Gail Allan

i have just realized that my dad will never have the experience of helping me with my homework. he will never walk into my room while i am laying on my bed, books spread around me and ask if i want to take a break from homework and go do something with him. my dad will have that opportunity with my little sisters but he missed the train for me. through most of my elementary, all of my middle middle and high school career my dad has never had the chance to help with my homework. maybe once if i had to take work to his house on the weekend, but never anything serious. i always tried to finish my work in school on his weekends so i could spend more time doing fun things with him. of course this is a relatively sad thing, but i mean to say this as more of a statement rather than a sob story. it is one of the many facts of being a divorced kid. i just have never thought about that until right now, in my senior year. it’s funny what you can miss, even if it’s something you never had.

Today, is Michael and I’s one year together. It has honestly been the best year of my life. He has this way of making everything bad just go away. From the day i started talking to him i knew that he was going to change my life. He is so much like me that we used to he was me as a boy and i was him as a girl. Even before we were a couple he had the power to make me forget everything bad in my life. Then when he did ask me out, i was wearing my cut up Mythbusters shirt. I looked like such a dork almost jumping up and down saying yes. Even I i didn’t expect myself to be that happy when he asked me but i was. Since that moment he has not stopped making me smile. He helped me through my first year as drum major and my whole junior year of school along with family and friend problem and he is about to help me conquer this last year of high school and hopefully all the way through college. We give each other strength the face the problems in our lives and we are there for each other when there is a problem we can’t face alone. He has this ability to make time stand still and let me imagine that just him and I are on this earth. Michael puts up with all of my dorky Harry Potter references and love for Disney world. He even talks Harry Potter to me sometimes. He loves all of my little quarks that other people might find strange and he shows me all of his funny habits that make him unique. He wrote me a song for Christmas, got me a “Muggle” shirt for our 6 months and a beautiful necklace for our one year. Michael is such a huge part of my life and i love him with all of my heart. I cannot wait for this up coming year because something tells me that it is going to be even better than the last.

the days when i could just sit down and read what ever i wanted. when it was storming outside and i had nothing else to do. now i am always to busy of forced to read something i dont want to =/

Cedarkirk. it is a christian summer camp that i have been going since i was in the 5th grade. it has so many fun summer campy things to do and i love going every year and making new friends. every time i go i feel so at peace and as if nothing bad is happening in the world. time is frozen in that place. i go every year and almost nothing changes. my mom used to take youth groups there and noah went to camp there for a short time and now i am there and i plan on becoming a councilor there some day. it is the happiest place on earth. and i can’t wait to go back next year.

i fear not getting into a good college and disappointing my self.
i fear doing something stupid and making my mom not proud of me.
i fear the monsters under my bed
i fear loosing michael
i fear not living life to its fullest
i fear making nothing of myself
i fear being on stage alone
i fear whats hiding in the Ocean

there’s a lot that i fear in this world and i know that i tend to make these lists and then put some kind of heart felt insight at the end of them, but thats the point. that despite all of my fears, i still go out into the world every single day and try my very best to make that day count. whats the point of living if you dont go out and face your fear?

first words were “good at Judy’s”

first day of elementary school i wore my bell bottom jeans and yellow flower shirt

first poem was in 2nd grade

first friend in middle school was Scotti Williams

first kiss was in 8th grade

first football game i was in the high school band

first cell phone was a razor

first first drum major audition was to John Williams “Jurassic Park”

first AP class was AP Lang

first car is a Hyundai Sinata name Gwen

first boy to bring me flowers just because was Michael Laffitte

there a many first that we will have in our lifetime, i feel that it the last’s we should pay attention to because those are the moments that truly matter.

i try not to cry often but there have been several times that Michael had made me cry from happiness. i know that is incredibly cheesy, but its true. the last three times i cried it was from Michael making my so happy i exploded in tears. it’s one of the best feelings on earth.

i hate when i don’t do the best i know i can. for example: today at band practice.

today was not a good day for the band. no one was playing attention and i went about it the wrong way trying to regain control. i yelled and threatened and yes sometimes that is needed but it shouldnt be a first resort. i hate being mean more than anything and giving push ups is awful for me. i just dont like having to be harsh with people. but there are times that i just dont know what else to do. it upsets me to feel like i am working alone and not doing a good job as a leader. i hate when people arent having fun in band, because band is fun. band is like a family, and sadly, i have to be the parent sometimes rather than the fun aunt. i just wish i could do a better job. but i am going to try my best and fix things. i want to be the best leader i can possibly be and if any one has a suggestion on how to do that, my ears are open.

So far this month i have gone to my happy place and rejuvenated myself. then i started school and got stressed all over again. i applied to my first college. i will celebrate my one year with michael. even though the list isnt very long, this month has been pretty exciting. every thing is very major. senior year, one year in a relationship, applying for college. it’s all very exciting. this is going to be a great year.

when i was ten my mom took me Disney

when i was 13 bobby moved in

when i was 16 all of my friends came over

when i turned nine, i cried. i was devastated to not be eight years old any more. for some reason i thought that when you became double digits, you weren’t allowed to have a night light, or stuffed animals or anything else childish. even though i was only nine, i knew that i only had one more year to prepare myself for this awful future of ten. so i came crying to my mom confiding in her how upset i was to be getting older and she told me that no one would ever make me give up my night light or my stuffed animals. i know that this might be a strange pick for my favorite birthday but honestly, every birthday i have ever had has been a lot of fun, or at least not bad, nine was the only birthday that i was truly sad about. it was that day that i learned that no one can make you do anything that you’re not ready for. no one could make me give up my night light, and just to prove that, i still have my night light today.

I’m not sure if this is my MOST favorite memory but it is right up there. when i was little my mom used to read to all the time. noah, mom and i would lay upstairs in her bed and she would pull out the Harry Potter books and read them allowed to us for hours. it was better than any TV show or any computer game. listening to my mom do different voices subconsciously and maybe even in a british accent. my mom read every single Harry Potter book allowed to me. one summer, my family took a vacation to New Mexico to see some family. while we were there my mom read us the fifth Harry Potter book. on every car ride the radio was silent and my mom would read and read and read. we went to see roswell, carl’s bad caverns, the white sands and other famous things in New Mexico but it was the car rides that were the best part of that trip. even when i was in the ninth grade and the seventh book came out, my mom still read it out loud to me purely out of tradition. i can’t read a harry potter book with out thinking of my mom and remembering how she read them all to me and then thinking about the time she lost her voice from reading out loud so much. that is one of the best memories i have.

I’m not sure if this is my MOST favorite memory but it is right up there. when i was little my mom used to read to all the time. noah, mom and i would lay upstairs in her bed and she would pull out the Harry Potter books and read them allowed to us for hours. it was better than any TV show or any computer game. listening to my mom do different voices subconsciously and maybe even in a british accent. my mom read every single Harry Potter book allowed to me. one summer, my family took a vacation to New Mexico to see some family. while we were there my mom read us the fifth Harry Potter book. on every car ride the radio was silent and my mom would read and read and read. we went to see roswell, carl’s bad caverns, the white sands and other famous things in New Mexico but it was the car rides that were the best part of that trip. even when i was in the ninth grade and the seventh book came out, my mom still read it out loud to me purely out of tradition. i can’t read a harry potter book with out thinking of my mom and remembering how she read them all to me and then thinking about the time she lost her voice from reading out loud so much. that is one of the best memories i have.